You probably know someone like this. They have a rising career, terrific friends, tons of hobbies; everything that makes life complete, with one exception. Then comes the frosting on the cake of life. They sign up for internet dating and meet “the one” complete with kisses, butterflies and complete chemistry.

Fast forward three months and persons A and B are a happy couple. All is lovey dovey and they have eyes only for each other. Their friends are getting shortchanged, their careers aren’t nearly as important as they used to be, and the hobbies haven’t been touched in months.

One of the paramount goals of any conscious dater is to seek out the type of partner and relationship that will enable us to not only be happily in love but to also retain our sense of independence. We want to share our lives, not surrender them. But how do we accomplish this? Lets break it down.

When we start dating someone new and everything is so wonderful, we seek out situations where we get THAT feeling. That totally amazing, connected, electric feeling that, for most new couples, is best achieved when theyre alone, clear of mental obstructions from their single lives; the cocoon stage, the salad days.

It’s really one of the most perfect times of life. You’re part of a new pair, and it’s almost as if nothing, and no one, else exists. You’re learning about each other and developing couple habits and routines.

As for the friends, family, career and hobbies, they’re still there. You just haven’t noticed them much being so focused on your new partner. But once the bloom is off the rose, and it will happen sooner or later, you’re going to realize that you’ve let the rest of your life slide into apathy.

It doesn’t always happen this way. Believe it or not, there are people who are able to start a new relationship and enjoy the newness of it all while maintaining their commitment to friends, career and hobbies. I’m certainly not one of them!

Me, I’m actually one of those people who loves being crazy in love. I love it that I’m NOT balanced or logical when I’m wrapped up in someone new. Having said that, I never let it go too long without coming up for air, so to speak. And I know I’m reaching that point when I start feeling a bit out of sorts about the things I’ve let slip away from me.

So what is the answer to finding the balance? Can we surrender to the loveliness of a new romantic interest while keeping the ties to our single life strong?

Thats the difference between chemistry and compatibility. Dont take this to diminish that magical spark between you and your sweetheart but chemicals are just chemicals. They have nothing to do with how you live your life or if your two lives can harmoniously exist together.

Finding someone who makes give your butterflies is much easier than finding someone who share your zeal for Extreme Frisbee or skeet shooting. Now I’m not saying that you have to find your twin to have a successful love life; it’s all about compromise. However, the closer someone is to your current way of life, the easier it will be to bridge your coupledom and your single status.

Making a relationship work is, well, work! But when you find a partner who makes your knees weak, joins you in doing things you love (and vice versa), AND who likes spending time with you and your friends and family, that’s worth waiting for. And worth working on.